Tuesday, November 30, 2010

(As she cleans up the yogurt her child has spilled everywhere...)

"Jesus! It looks like a fucking bukake festival in here!"

Saturday, November 27, 2010

(This comes from Chaka Carter)

"Dude, I don't know how to tell you this; Your socks are FUUUCKED!"

Thursday, November 25, 2010

A resume?? I rolled that shit and smoked it a long time ago!
Why is everybody so ugly?
(In reference to someone assisting in a friend's suicide...)

"What, did he macrame the noose he hung himself with? Did he literally kill himself with a God's Eye?"
ME: Steph, this blog could lead to a TV show!

STEPH: Yeah, who's gonna play me? Paula Poundstone?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

"Dude, I don't even remember you putting your dick inside of me.  I only remember the socks I was wearing."

Monday, November 22, 2010

(In reference to the local yokel that walks all over town selling newspapers...)

"I bet he's super fit!! But you can't walk off that face, though."
(In reference to Steph's air conditioned house in the dead of summer....)

Me: I love your cold, dark cave.

Steph: What? My vagina?
"Okay, be quiet. 'Eye of the Tiger' is on."
"So what if he listens to the Grateful Dead. You don't have to be listenin' to Truckin' while your fuckin'!"
Me: So, how do I start a blog? What do I do?

Steph: I'm not telling you!!! It's your baby. My abortion.
"Getting old is gross."
"I wish I could watch people all day long wearing their retarded outfits."
"Man, I am Carb City! Population: Fat Ass."
Me: Are you going to give your kids a bath?

Steph: Hell no! Not unless they are bathing in Bravo. Real Housewives of Atlanta is on tonight.
Steph: God, I LOVE the post office!!!

Me: Why???

Steph: Why do you THINK??!!